This is a picture of me as a Victorian Station Master.
Look at my moustache, it's not natural, it's not big, and it's not clever, though I did enjoy twirling it villainously
I was of course an integral part of the German production of 'Stormy Days', the tale of the first female doctor. My job was to open the train carriage door and walk off shot. I did this repeatedly over the next 12 hours.
But I have now been challenged to grow a beard and far be it from me to back down from a pointless challenge. So over the coming weeks I shall be growing yet hairier still.
Coming soon: the same image - but the right way up
In response to a comment from my good friend Christopher Wingrove. I do of course know the difference between their and there and many other correct grammatical practices. I do not however necessarily pay any attention to them when I'm writing.
What is the point of Richard Bacon?
Nothing, he has no talent, he is annoying, and a tit.
I'm supposed to go the Leadmill in Sheffield on New Years and because it's New Years Eve it 14 quid to get in. 14 quid for the Leadmill, you can see a gig there for that much. That would be special but there's nothing special about New Years Eve, its utter bollocks
Oh lets go out and get pissed slightly more than we would on a normal Friday or Saturday because the way we divide up one complete rotation of the earth on its axis is complete and were resetting the calender back to the beginning. So yeah let's fucking party and go wild, that's worth celebrating isn't it. I literally pissing myself with excitement at the thought of January again.
I've half a mind to go on the 30th of December and forget the 31st because they both mean the same. Which is absolute nothing.
14 fucking quid. Gee I wonder if they'll play Teen Sprirt or This Charming Man by The Smiths, or maybe if we're really lucky Creep by Radiohead, maybe they'll really push the boat out because this evening will be loads different then every other stinking indie night they put on three times a week every fucking week of the year.
Except this one costs 14 quid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to be an extra on a film (that's what you call an accurate post title). I am either a station master or a train conductor. But my colleague Richard gets to be an Gentleman and has huge tophat not a flat small one like mine. I have such hat envy.
I don't know what the films called, who's in it, what it's about and may even be a foreign picture. But I get paid so what else matters.
I have just broken my second I-pod. I sent the first one back cos the fucking wheel didn't work and I couldn't scroll up and down the menu's and could only listen to the songs in alphabetical order. (So sick of Adam fucking Ant). They just sent me a new one rather than repair which meant 3,500 songs - months of hard work, vanished and now after two weeks, and another 2,000 songs the thing has fucked up again. I disconnected from the computer prematurely and now all the songs are gone and my computer won't co-operate with it.
It's going back again. And Apple but send me a decent one this time, or they'll pay, yes they pay, I'll find out when they live and break all their fucking ipods. Apple bastards
I am very poorly today, I feel all weird and my nose is mass producing phlegm. I've also locked myself out of my house. Curiously enough the only other time I've ever done this is was also in Falmouth when I locked myself out of the bed & breakfast I was staying on the weekend I spent looking for the house I now live in. It was two hours before I could get in again. Fortunatly I bumped into one of my housemates who will hopefully be there when I get home. But also I think the doorbell is broken so will she even know I'm there...
You know when you see Rod Steward does anybody else feel the strange need to re-apolster some furniture?
This bonfire Night I went to Ottery St May where they have a big part and set barrels on fire and run around with them a lot. This is an ancient ceremony that has gone on for many hundreds of years which was surprising because I didn't know students had been around that long.
But I have a theory, Once an innocent Japanese man was wandering about the streets without knowing about the festival and suddenly found himself being charged at by a large hairy man wheilding a big heavy barrel. But then a fat Italian pizza maker suddenly ran out into the street and saved him. Inspired by the events the Japanese man went onto design and create the game Donkey Kong, although why he called a monkey, Donkey we shall never know
is a writer for better and for worse. I got in above my station writing for M&S, but was credit crunched down to writing about sex toys, Viagra and herpes meds. I’m now taking a step back towards legitimacy by writing for JML Direct. I’m awkward and don’t like much.