Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Under Fifty Word Film Reviews 2

DDDDDD – Exceptional and unparalleled.
DDDDD – Excellent, a special film.
DDDD – High Enjoyable, recommended.
DDD – Worth watching, but unexceptional or flawed.
DD – Bland, dull and average.
D – A cinematic turd.

Mad Love (1933) Peter Lorre, Colin Clive, Francis Drake Dir: Carl Freund.

Obsessive surgeon Lorre is in love with Drake. When her pianist husband Clive’s hands are destroyed in an accident, Lorre replaces them with the hands of a killer. Surprisingly dark even with censorship. Lorre’s performance and the expressionistic style of master cameraman Freund makes this a creepy and sinister classic.


We Are Together (2007) Dir: Paul Taylor

Phrases like life affirming and genuinely touching are thrown about often, but you’d have to have a heart of titanium not to have your heart warmed by this documentary about a South African orphan’s choir, whose success may decide the future of the orphanage. You couldn’t write a script this poignant.


Sherlock Holmes and the Voice of Terror (1942) Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Henry Daniell, Evelyn Ankers. Dir: John Rawlins

Holmes and Watson are inexplicably transported to ww2 to fight the Nazi’s. It may be unsubtle propaganda, but a fast paced plot, an excellent cast and some stylish direction makes this still worthwhile. And Rathbone is just unstoppable…


Saturday, February 23, 2008

Damn Their Eyes!

I thought that Waddesdon Manor* was a bloody rip off, but I hadn’t been seen nothin’ till I went to Cheddar Gorge.

Well actually I have been to Cheddar Gorge before, when I was but a boy, and now I realise why we didn’t go to see the caves or do anything exciting there**. Because it’s f@&^~#g expensive that’s why.

£14 it costs. Of course there are several activities you can do, you can see the caves, go up to the observation platform, take a woodland walk, go rock climbing, but what if you don’t want to take the woodland walk, what if you don’t want to go rock climbing. What if you’re too old to go rock climbing? There’s a perfectly good free walk on the other side of the gorge, why would you pay to go on their special walk?

Observation platform? P#$s off.

The olive branch offer they give you for this extortion is that if you don’t do any activity you can come back and do it again any time over the next ten years. That’s a fat lot of good if say you’ve come from abroad, or if you’re too old to do the rock climbing. What if you’re coming down with different people than you came with the first time - they’re going to want to see the cave, what are you going to do? Wait for the while they go into the cave, and meet them later on the observation platform, presuming you could resist the temptation to go up there the last time you were there?

To hell with you Cheddar Gorge. F@%k you!!!!!

*Apparently it’s the Rothschild family who demand such high fairs to see their fancy home. But that doesn’t stop the Nation Trust from advertising the prices properly at the entrance, nor does it justify the excessive numbers of restaurants contained within!

** We went to the cheese makers. That’s still free! Bless em.

Quote of the Day: "It's a sad day for American Capitalism when a man can't fly a midgit on a kite over central park" - publicist Jim Moran.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Under Fifty Word Film Reviews

DDDDDD – Exceptional and unparalleled.
DDDDD – Excellent, a special film.
DDDD – High Enjoyable, recommended.
DDD – Worth watching, but unexceptional or flawed.
DD – Bland, dull and average.
D – An insult to the eyes and ears.

The Devil Rides Out: 1968, Christopher Lee, Charles Gray, Paul Eddington. Dir: Terence Fisher
Daft story about devil worshippers is given bite thanks to the dynamic Lee as he tries to save two souls from the superbly evil Charles Gray. Great direction and fine set pieces bring in the thrills, although a low budget spider attack is inexcusably bad, but is easily overlooked.

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: 1939, Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, George Zucco. Dir: Alfred Werker
Holmes becomes a sort of boys' comic book hero in the 2nd Rathbone/Bruce film. The cast is first right; Rathbone, Bruce and villain Zucco are a delight to watch. Great fun, but it’s let down by script cuts that leave too much of the mystery unexplained.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Not Again...

Well, it’s not quite on the same level as the time I bought a scotch egg without an egg in it, but it’s close.

Last week I bought a handful of cheap chocolate for the purpose of stuffing my face full of it.

Imagine my horror then as I opened the wrapper of one such chocolate bar and revealed what was inside.

A straight Curly Wurly.

No twists, turns, holes or nobbliness. 0% Curl and 0% Wurl. It was totally straight…

The world’s gone to s**t man, the whole things f**ked up.

Bizarre News Story of the Week:

Scarlett Johansson to record Tom Waits tribute album. What the hell?!?!?

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I definitely didn't have anything to do with this...

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Oh Crap

Because we had a lot of work to do at the beginning of the year, the woman I'm employed to work for (not my boss) is trying to justify the employment of extra staff for the copywriting team. To that end, we (me and the other copywriter) have to fill out a little form each day which states how many different bits of copy we've written.

This will end in one of two ways:

1: They will realise how excruciatingly long it takes to write copy and bring on new people.

2: They'll realise how much work I'm actually doing and administer a severe bollocking.

I wonder which it'll be?*

But whatever happens there are worse things out there. When I was making up product names earlier this year, I never dropped a clanger like this...